At any rate, I ended up watching people do their hair on youtube for way too long.
I decided it would be crucial to learn about Victory Rolls. You know, in case I wanted to go as a Forties Housewife for Halloween:

Orrrrr a small woodland animal with perky ears.
I learned how to do Bettie Page bangs:

AKA world's most perplexing, as in Why on EARTH is that alluring, pin-up do.
And, perhaps more practically, I went for an Audrey-esque French twist:

I think I'll stick with a rumpled morning after a shower ponytail.
But in case you don't want to:
Victory Rolls
Victory Rolls AND Bettie Page Bangs
French Twist
Brigitte Bardot Updo which I didn't attempt for fear of creating a luxury option for nesting robins
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