Friday, March 30, 2012

Rim Jobs with Balls or This may or may not have been fueled by margaritas

I love salt. My husband thinks this is because I'm from the Midwest. Or, what he deems, the land of butter, salt, and frying anything potentially edible. There may be some merit to that. I still consider Bob Evans haute cuisine.

At any rate, one of my favorite things about margaritas, besides the tequila, is the salt rim. Genius, right? Why aren't more drinks rimmed in things? There's a place in Denver that will rim sweet margaritas (e.g. the strawberry pomegranate acai blended concoctions) with sugar. Also good, but nothing compares to salty.

It made me realize though... you could technically rim a glass in anything.

With a baby shower coming up this weekend and free time during which I don't know what to do with myself, I decided to turn to the internet to see if there were any party suggestions featuring rimmed glasses.

I was not disappointed.

Using a mish mash of instructions from various sites, I decided to give it a whirl.

I chose Cut Crystal Chinet cups (due to their minimal lip around the top and therefore promise of easy rolling) as my guinea pigs.

I shook out a bunch of those small rainbow colored balls usually reserved for sugar cookies or ice cream onto a plate. I did this on my porch. I didn't feel like having them roll all over the floor and then having to deal with the mayhem of kitty sugar highs.

Next, I secured a small reservoir of honey. Using a foam brush I swept a layer of honey around the Cut Crystal Chinet cup edges. Subsequently, I rolled the cup in the plate of rainbow balls.

Said honey, rainbow nonpareils, and foam brush. I may try the pink sugar sprinkles next.

It worked:

Wax papered tray to minimize clean-up. Because I don't have THAT much free time.

The honey wasn't drying out the way I'd hoped in the sun. Turns out sun makes honey run/melt. So I put the tray in the fridge for about half an hour and BOOYAH.

Completely unnecessary, but bitchin'. Would also work well for circus themed child's birthday...

Superfluous, yet awesome, baby shower cups. Instant flair!

I'm also working on pinwheel/carnation centerpieces. Because there's something wrong with me. I'm not even hosting this thing!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Becky's Baby's Booties

Can you tell I'm on an elective month?

One of my fellow residents decided she likes kids so much she's going to go ahead and have one of her own! Her shower is coming up and for the first time I will have a baby project completed prior to their arrival!

For these (pattern: Be Mine from Leisure Arts' "Booties By the Dozen")(which yes, sounds pornographic, but in fact is clean as a whistle and features baby sandals as well as baby bunny slippers!) I used Aunt Lydia's Bamboo Thread size 10 and a 1.65mm hook. The bamboo was markedly softer than the regular cotton which I felt was more in keeping with baby stuff and simultaneously a nod to my wanna-be hippie ways.

I love using crochet thread and steel hooks. There's something so satisfying about creating the intricate stitches and wrecking my eyeballs. Part of the fun I think is that the projects turn out so difficult looking when really they're just crocheting on a small scale. Granted, I don't think I could knit on this small of a scale... that would drive me insane. Crochet is just so much more forgiving and you can really "sculpt" with it.

I've got one bootie down and one more to go!

My next project will be finding a cute, sustainable way to wrap these bad boys.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Feeling Impotent

I was so fired up the other day about reproductive health rights, but felt like there was nothing I could really do. I don't have a platform to be influential, most of what I say is emotionally fueled, and if I were ever to debate someone it would dissolve into a toddler tantrum with stamping feet faster than you can say, "transvaginal."

So... I did this instead:

One step above completely passive aggression. It's a bookmark. So all the folks sitting around me at coffee shops will know they'd best hold on to their vas deferens or start urging their candidates to make a modicum of sense.

Next I'm going to start knitting rebel messages into scarves.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Just... what?

This bonanza over birth control makes as much sense to me as Chris Brown still being on the airwaves.

How is everyone not looking at each other, aghast, wondering, “Uhhh... hello? What’d I miss?” Birth control is responsible. Chris Brown is abusive. Done and done, right?

Well, interesting.... The Right. Yes. That is where a lot of this seems to be stemming from. The masochistic, inane, completely flabbergasting rhetoric being thrown around by some of the presidential candidates and their party cronies is just... I don’t even know a word that would properly encompass my feelings.

Pitiable? Infuriating? Stupid?

Do they not realize that without the use of and access to birth control they’d have a pied piper following of illegitimate children all their mistresses would produce? Show me a politician who hasn’t had an affair. It’ll probably be easier to find a frat boy who’s never tasted beer.

Oh, I’m sorry, are those broad sweeping generalizations not even remotely based in fact? Guess where I learned to do that?

The idea that the government, the GOVERNMENT, is making inflammatory decisions about women’s health care based on moral rationalization rather than, oh I don’t know, legitimate data outlining how this issue is even remotely relevant, makes me livid.

Hi, you’re not doctors.

The short sightedness and... I don’t know, again, stupidity? that’s not even a strong enough word... of these people truly makes me want to... vomit feces, I guess. I can't think of a bodily function repugnant enough.

If you’re really so concerned about lost souls or innocent children or whatever the hell you’re calling zygotes these days, DO SOMETHING WHEN THEY’RE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE UTERUS.

You don’t want to imbue public education with any funding, you don’t want to expand social services, you’re cutting down on the already scant mental health resources available, you’re ignoring the reams of scientific literature linking unwanted children and risk of abuse, and you’re making statements outside the realm of your expertise.

Unintended pregnancies know no socioeconomic limitations, but the resources available for them once they slide down the chute are obscenely imbalanced amongst societal stratification.

I see the evidence of this every hour of my 80 hour work week.

How is birth control viewed as anything but preventive medicine? Pregnancy is not a benign condition. Women shouldn’t have to be penalized (HA!) for choosing not to put themselves at high risk for medical morbidity.

It’s on par with refusing to pay for someone’s statins because they CHOSE to eat all that McDonald’s and trans fat and blahbity blah - insert any American cuisine - and have a massive heart attack. In covering their anti-cholesterol, anti-inflammatory agents aren’t I just giving them carte blanche to go eat willy nilly whatever the hell they want? Veritable permission to go be junk food whores? (I'm looking at you, Rush Limbaugh.)

Why does everything change when you substitute in “birth control” for statin and “pregnancy” for myocardial infarction?

If you’re thinking of an argument that involves Jesus, then it should be off the table. Pretty sure there’s separation of church and state. Pretty sure that the justification you’re providing, that your God says it’s bad (paraphrasing), is completely unrelated to the governance of our country.

I could bring out Harry Potter and tell you what Dumbledore tells us to do. Would that be useful? Then at least I’d be speaking on your terms. Oh, going through Platform 9 3/4 is impossible is it? So is walking on water.

Believe what you believe. I don’t care. Just don’t make it law to believe what you believe.

There is absolutely nothing in these campaigns or in these politician’s track records that smacks of God’s love, forgiveness, justice, equality, unconditionality, concern for the least of us, on and on and on... so quit using it as an excuse. Walk the fucking walk, boys.

Friday, March 16, 2012

A Sure Sign of Spring

Oh yes. The Shamrock Shake.

I once nearly missed a friend's wedding trying to snag one of these babies. My roommate at the time and I were McDonald's hopping, hell bent on treating ourselves before they disappeared for a whole year. We kept trying one more Mickey D's, then one more, and oh, there's gotta be another one around here somewhere... Ultimately we dashed, empty handed, into a pew just as the sanctuary doors were closing to unveil the bride.

Turns out the Southern Ohio chains eschewed it. Which, I guess, figures, Southern Ohio being a sink hole for fun and delight. Unless you count racism and gun slinging. I do not.

The friend's wedding was on March 17th, St. Patrick's Day. They requested all of the guests wear green and bedecked their reception tables with shamrocks.

No, they weren't Irish, just theme oriented. It was cute.

But you know what would've been cuter?

Having a Shamrock Shake in my hand.

At any rate, I had one today for the first time in many many years. And oh, I'll just say it, they are indeed worth nearly missing the nuptials of a friend who six years later you don't even pretend to keep up with on Facebook.

Act fast, their minty days are numbered! Get you yours: