Can you smell that smell?

Dear Neighbors,

I sure hope whatever the hell it is you cook that makes our apartment reek like rancid ass tastes better than it smells.

Or, alternatively...

Dear Landlord,

I would like to request a maintenance investigation of a shared air duct wherein I'm very nearly sure some small creature who dunked itself in fatty diarrhea, rolled in the McDonalds' refuse around the corner and rubbed the toenail clippings of a seventy-three year old man with fungal issues all over itself, has crawled into our apartment vent to consume a snack of sauerkraut before keeling over and rotting for dead.

Love, Pants

I'll have to clean the bathroom for this.

Dear Mean Bean Green,

Nowhere in our housing contract does it indicate that living with me requires you become a utensil taster. Last night you went above and beyond the call of roomie.

Even though we were at a restaurant that was way out of our league, or perhaps, because of it, you willingly checked to see if the tines of my fork really did taste like straight up metal. You affirmed that yes, there was a reason my meal tasted like pennies. Thank you.

I knew it wasn't just me.

Love, Your Roommate

Oh, it's Christmas time in the city, baby.

Tomorrow morning Disturbingly Potent arrives. I'm peacing out early after PBL to collect her at the airport so she doesn't end up on a bus somewhere in Connecticut or inadvertently stranded in Midtown, ticking New Yorkers off with those pesky Midwestern manners.

We'll pass through the seven layers of the candy cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gumdrops, and then walk through the Lincoln Tunnel to embrace our weekend:

1. Attend The New York City Ballet's Nutcracker

2. Attend The Radio City Music Hall Rockettes Christmas Spectacular (OH HELL YES)

3. Take a walking tour of all the Christmas windows -- Macy's, Lord and Taylor, Saks, Bloomingdales, etc.

4. Gawk at the mass herds of people at the Rockefeller tree

5. Peruse the pop-up Christmas boutiques at Bryant Park and/or Union Square

6. Ice skate in Central Park

7. Find my will to blog

8. Live it up and pretend I don't have an exam next week.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Yes, I'm posting a picture because I'm lame and have exactly 24 minutes left in this day and I am NOT a quitter. I snapped a shot of a dude decking Macy's halls today while I was out enjoying life. And by enjoying I mean battling throngs of tourists and tightly holding on to my purse.

I almost enjoyed life so much I missed the midnight deadline. But ho ho, you have not bested me yet NaBloPoMo... you wily, wily minx.