Dear Erotic Cake Baking Company,
My, aren't you clever. I particularly enjoyed the "To Have and To Hold," inscription available for penis bachelorette cakes. There's something so appropriately inappropriate about a pun scrawled across an edible Johnson that appeals to me (I think it's my repressed writer-dom). So much so in fact, I ordered a "Mouthful," for my cousin's upcoming night of debauchery.
When the receptionist who took my order said, "Alright ma'am, I've got one 'Mouthful' down, would you like that to be coming?" I knew you meant business. I bet all your bakers wear business socks. You know, dedication to their art and all that.
Despite how impressed I am with your commitment to your jobs, I think you should seriously reconsider your web design. Specifically, you might want to relocate your "More Options," cakes to a different part of your web page. When I consulted Mean Bean Green about which phallus was most appetizing, she asked to see the "More Options," listed.
"Oh, you don't want to see those. It's all other specialty cakes, like Harry Potter and stuff."
"Yeah, I assume for kids' birthdays or something."
"A CAKE OF HIS PENIS?"
"No, no no, I mean, they do cakes other than erotica evidently."
"Ohhh... I was gonna say, how could you tell? Was there a lightning scar on it?"